Planning out the rest of your life

Trying to put into words how I feel about you
shouldn't be so hard
but they don't flow
onto the floor
like glass
shattering randomly
like they used to

We met
and left
and met again
and left
and then stayed
together

Never left again
You are everything now
but i am an empty vessel
walking through life
like in a haze
as a countdown
marks away each day

each day is the same
each week is the same

I used to hate that
now I don't feel any way about that

I used to want so much more
and now I  have more than that

I used to feel anxious to live
feeling like a molting
adolescent bird
trapped in a nest on the highest tree

But growing my feathers
I find that I mostly live on the ground
not able to reach the nest
or wing high enough to start my own

You soothe me
like the harp did to Saul

But like his darkness
the soothing only masks a temporary sanity
waiting to burst out
daily it seems

I feel strength from you
but in that there is inability

we are in love
but I don't trust myself

to be the thing you expect of me

When i look back on my life
I was so affected by the opposite sex
so wanting
so influenced

and now I have myself
and somehow I have you
but ahead of me

is blankness
maybe that is okay

You are afraid of everything
and I am afraid of myself
But we survive
in inadequacy
in love
in uncertainty