Because everyone else is boring and because you're different

Not one inch is ever given
a nod, a sign
a hint
No smiles
no flirtations
No long deep stares
or short ones
when caught looking

It's cold outside today
cold and drizzling
yesterday though
was much gloomier to me
all the way home
thinking about
how this
will end

ALWAYS ends
The red lights in front of me braked
and I thought about plowing right through
Saying
"Forget it"
This mortal life be damned
This freeway crawl is not for me

This freeway crawl is my timeline
a 20 mile stretch
elongated into 50 minute drive
You don't like me
I'd just as soon know it
than agonize along at 13 miles an hour
in complete silence
head in hand

While the afternoon radio DJ's
go on and on and on
about Zep and Mick Jagger

I realized the other day
my balance had been off for a while now
all the sound from one speaker
distorted and thin
and now hearing it through two ears
my stereo more appropriately lives up to its name

I am but a single speaker
making up for two
but I'm afraid
I'm so near tearing
it wouldn't matter if I was balanced out anymore

It's best to replace me
in that situation
a torn speaker is no speaker at all

There's not much else to say
but please,
say what's left anyway
I'd rather have hope dashed into nothingness
than ration myself on
barely there apparitions

I'm saying
let's take this thing right through the car in front of me
let the particles of glass impact my skin and eyes
shooting outward like an asteroid field
pockmarked and jagged
ripping me to blood spattered mess

let the crumple zones meet
and in them we will too

while air bags deploy and tires deflate
and everything goes
mute.







Anything is better than traffic.

Failure to Appear 2009

Life is not owed to anyone
love isn't either
as rights go
Jury duty is more certain

I've gotten out of jury duty
every single time
only set foot
in the courthouse
once

Life?
Well my existence is being played out
as we speak
I guess you could call that
living
in the strictest
Oxford-English sense

And love
well, love is rather much like
me missing my jury duty on purpose
only love isn't jury duty
love is me
and I'm the jury duty

Every few months or so
I send love a letter
explaining to it
that I am it's obligation
and right
going so far as to delineate
a time and place
to arrive

But love never does
she always rips the letters
and shreds them
shreds the second notices
and failure to appears
and on the off chance love
does decide
to show up at the court house

It finds that court was canceled
thus ultimately fulfilling
it's duty
for another year

Without ever really showing up at all

I sat with on the asphalt waiting while the sun set on Christmas Eve

I've been
chronically
dissatisfied since the
day I met you

And now hopeless
and on edge
because I can't get
to you

It seems like everyone around me
is just making fun
mocking
me
while they order soy milk
or more whipped cream

I think i heard them say
"Give Up"
and sometimes I want to
but then I realize
they just wanted
it iced instead of ice blended

My car blew a tire
on the freeway
because I blew up
on a lady
who felt I was trying to keep her from merging.
In that second
I hated her
with everything I could hate a nameless woman
in a white Honda Accord
with an unpainted replacement bumper
who I get anxious about
even now
while writing this down

So I sat
by myself
on Christmas Eve
in a school parking lot
in San Dimas
trying to take the hub cap off
without a screw driver
until I gave up and called
my house

And that's how I feel with you
prostrate,
Missing the tools I need
but having no way
to call for
help

A bluer shade of pale

Skipping out of mind
things yet to be known
and still
14-24, sooner a decade
not under the influence
but hiding from it

Cold nights, colder still
even colder than that
Warmth in a smile
and flash of the eyes

But walking around aimlessly
reading, writing
no guidance
or satisfaction

Thinking only of one thing
constantly thinking of only one thing
Sickening, pathetic
desperate for affection

And a couple walking by at lunch
in the eve
stopping
leaning in for a kiss
innocent, love filled
not lust, not selfish
not a game
nor lie

Look away,
these nights my skin turns
a bluer shade of pale

I'll be home for christmas

Looking through the clear plastic
plating, grated by
brushed steel
barrier
the sound it makes as the motor turns
and waiting for the moment
I can duck in under
without straining too much
or waiting so long
it seems impolite

The mall is empty at this hour
and my shoulders slump
hands in pocket
trying to keep warm
because even in Southern California
the weather can be chilly
at times

"I'll be home for Christmas"
echoing the food court chapel
while a 30 foot model in a one piece
is the stained glass
representation
of material heaven

The waiting game is only so
fun
when the waiting actually
cuts chunks of time
out of my head
12 minutes here
23 there
though occasionally
the game only yields 2 and a half

and those 2 and a half minutes feel longer than any other hour of that day

Dead horse politics

I have a dead horse

At one point
it had some life left in it
but when it kicked
I reacted too late
or maybe too suddenly
and the poor foal

breathed it's last
I think

I wanted to save it
to bring it to life
but the horse seems so lifeless lying
on the floor

Frustration is pointless now
and there's no sense beating it
anymore

I thought I saw it breathe again
but maybe
it was just
me

all along

Me and the christmas tree, nervously optimistic

I always light up
when
you're around

But do you notice?


I hope you do.



- Me and the Christmas Tree, Nervously Optimistic

Franzia and coca cola

Red
Lips like wine
Wrinkled for a second
pursed and intoxicating

darkness and drying machines
face down on the white metal surface
laughing

Giving a smirk
conversing through sight
because that girl doesn't know what she's talking about

Fill the goblet
to the Gothic brim
with Franzia and Coca Cola

My cup runneth over tonight

Daydreaming while driving home from work

Today
I thought about the day
I'm not alone anymore

The idea
of the moment I realized
I could stop searching

I felt warmth
radiating from that day
who knows how long away it is

Deep in my being
like Hot Cider

I know it's coming
I believe it as fact

The weirdest part
is I can see a face
not of anyone I know
or will know
but the face of satisfaction
of happiness
looking upon me
and feeling the same thing

People think I'm cold and negative
but I really want to be
Hot Cider