I sat with on the asphalt waiting while the sun set on Christmas Eve

I've been
chronically
dissatisfied since the
day I met you

And now hopeless
and on edge
because I can't get
to you

It seems like everyone around me
is just making fun
mocking
me
while they order soy milk
or more whipped cream

I think i heard them say
"Give Up"
and sometimes I want to
but then I realize
they just wanted
it iced instead of ice blended

My car blew a tire
on the freeway
because I blew up
on a lady
who felt I was trying to keep her from merging.
In that second
I hated her
with everything I could hate a nameless woman
in a white Honda Accord
with an unpainted replacement bumper
who I get anxious about
even now
while writing this down

So I sat
by myself
on Christmas Eve
in a school parking lot
in San Dimas
trying to take the hub cap off
without a screw driver
until I gave up and called
my house

And that's how I feel with you
prostrate,
Missing the tools I need
but having no way
to call for
help