Residue

Faucet water filled the basin
As I washed my face
And I thought about everything
Piling up on me
Faster than I could manage
Like the clogged drain
In the sink
that always left a residue

I thought about attraction
and the subjective nature of connection
About how depressing life seemed
And how I could no longer pinpoint a cause
or just one

I thought about the tapwater dripping down my cheeks
My bloodshot eyes
And the knot in my gut
From every time I am pressured to feel
something I cannot

I thought about how often
Tears follow a laugh
And disappointment a desire

Drying my face
I looked up from the towel
and into the mirror
And there was the reality of it all
Sucking the moisture
out of hope and expectation
Replacing it with arid facts

The gritty realization that my heart
was a son of a bitch
and I now hated him for it

I found myself saddest when I was feeling good
and that notion scares me the most

Staring into my own brown eyes
at all the frustration and despair
I could not stand
to be in the same room with me

So I shut off the bathroom light
And closed the door
Leaving only the gurgling sound
of a slowly draining pool of dirty water
and a bloody mess from the torture
I just put myself through