Thursday, May 03, 2012

The can't feeling

Tearing through a bag
of kettle barbecue chips
with abandon
sad
and angry
all things but myself
all things but thinking the thoughts
i default to

All things to no men
The sky has been all gloom lately
grey and wet
like a soft piece of tofu
nearly inedible
and blank

Like my mind on most days
except to distract myself
job number one
is to forget reality
these days

Some turn to drink
or drug
I eat
I am sad

I feel chained to the swivel chair 
in my office
held in by a two walled
cubicle

My heart
as well
snared
to a job i do not love

But I just
can't

Do you know the feeling?
the can't feeling?

It's just awful
almost every day
its awful

Some call it depression
but I call it
can't
not even cannot

The weather will warm up soon
and i pray that I move on as well
even if it means months
of heat
and smoggy days

I think
Sometimes the smog is more breathable