The skeeziest guys don't sleep half as bad as I do

Our breaths pushed themselves into the air
pushed themselves to condensation
white vapors like a field of hot springs
on dry last days in January
dry for many reasons
not the least of which was
my own insecurity
cracked and scarred as it is
thirsty
I was feeling full though
from your breath
I felt full
The drums hobbling along
feet tap
tall kids waltz
with short fairy sprites
I stood alone
because as nourishing as you felt to me
I was not the one quenching you
I know him
I knew this
this is no surprise to me
you do love him
whether or not it admitting it was brought about
by whiskey and drugs
you love him
and I knew this
still I let myself drag on
rope tied around my neck dragging me through dark empty streets
of old ethnic neighborhoods
that our grandparents probably knew in much harder times
I let you fall asleep
I let you talk to me
my eyes deceived me
they told me what I was looking at was beauty
just as my mind played the image over and over
like a loop on tape
but this is the digital age
completely objective and cold
cold like my feet and yours
cold like my back when I was facing the fire
and cold like my front as I left your front steps
It was five in the morning and the sun was not up
while I coaxed extra miles from my thirsty green truck
And I coaxed out remembrance from you days later
memories i recalled not because I wasn't drunk
but because you were in them.
I drank from you again
but the well ran dry
You do love him
and I knew this.
So now tonight, I think i'll dehydrate myself on cheap alcohol
but I wont forget
I can't drink to forget
because drinking wont separate your image from old memory
it'll just damage the new ones.