My dad/my monster

You are a monster
plodding and blunt
uncaring and unsettlingly calculated

You are a coward
making excuses
talking in circles
laying down like a dying dog

You have drained the joy from my life
left me feeling numb
and unstable
constantly remembering good things
and crying

You are not my father
I don't know where he went
or the exact time he ceased to be
but my father is none of those things

My father was funny
goofy even
my father was wise
my father loved my mom
my father loved us

Now you just love yourself
claiming other things are the problem
when it is so clearly
your heart

How could you bear to look
at us
teary eyed
angry
broken hearted

And feel nothing
I looked at you
I looked into your soul
deep
to the core of who you were
and
there was nothing resembling you
there

Because you sold your soul
and you have gained nothing

the worst part is I still love you
i don't want this to happen to you
I don't want this common story
to become my own
I don't want to let you go
though you've already let us go
I want my dad
and i'm scared
that he is
no longer