Bunker hill and the music I can't hear

Rush of newness
of contact
of realizing early on
that she is most likely into
me

Of any flame at all
I think
This is happening to me
and what do I think?
at first

I feel tingle
excitement
I feel her eyes on me
and when I mention something
that she loves
I can see it in her eyes
the recognition
of compatibility

But it never lasts long
Like the tunnels under bunker hill
I enjoy them
maybe I even love them
But they are so short
and I can see the end before I even enter

I feel like it can never work
like i'm broken
like i'm meeting my soul mate in
multiple vessels
and I keep forcing them
out
of mind, of anything that would remotely
make either of us happy

There is always a melody on my mind
faint
less than negligibly audible
and I want it
I want it more than all the other songs
I'm already singing
the tunes I already know
the new ones I already like

I want what is plausibly deniable
but infinitely more desirable

The faintest, tired sweet harmony
in a dry summer breeze
I am chasing the ocean inside
of a sea shell
while ignoring the ivory margin before me

Love is
the glow
from a cheap firework
Brief and dull
smokey
and it seems so much
weaker
than it did last year