The one bold bird late at night ruffled his feathers and cut the darkness

Cylindrical mirror
cobalt tint
Sunday morning and the slats
of blinds with too much dust
and fingerprint marks
as if some one were trying to escape at night
while I slept

Birds chirp
all day
but I like the loud ones at night
because they wait until the stage is silent
They're too smart
to become part of the rush hour white noise

That's why I do my best work
at night
when almost everyone else has gone to bed

That's when you should listen to me
if you can keep your eyes open
or at least your ears

I saw her in my dream last night
she smiled

You know the only disappointing thing about dreams
is not that they never happened
but that
they ultimately mean so very little

And maybe i'd be better off as a dream
because at least you'd have a vague
fond memory
and in that
you will find something to smile about me
during your long day
of waking

Vacant

I'm in the endless cloud
light years from one end to the other
careening forever it seems
never reading
never writing

not feeling much of anything
anymore

If I may gain anything back
I would give away what little I still have
the stars burn away cosmic dust
and like that
the brightness of a few
have eroded
so much of what i'd built up for myself

The space between is expanding like the universe
ever faster
ever greater
And nobody ever beats the current,

Sometimes going with the flow
is a defeat
worse than drowning

You may think you see my humanity
joy, anger, sadness
but it is so vacant

Right now, I'm not here
I'm not anywhere
right now

Piss

The door slams shut
in my face
he can't stand the sight of me
I've pissed him off

Let me out
please let me out
I don't have much money

I don't know why i bugged you
to be frank
I'm angry at the lack of light
of transparency

For holding my home hostage
for ignoring me
for belittling me
and acting like your moods
are as unchangeable as the laws of physics

So don't give me your stress
I know things are tough
for you
But
Life isn't roses
because I have time to watch them grow

So as you spend a whole 7 bucks
on a book you suddenly need on a maslow's top tier level
I want to leave
you don't need to push me
off the edge

I'll jump

Have your books
but don't be surprised
that the water you stir
causes sickness for the rest of us

Day's vs. nights: everybody needs a win in the spring

It's spring again
I'll be 24 soon
i've been sick since I got back
but i'm better now

The sun, the breeze
the orange poppies
nothing is better than California
on a day like this

Depression gets the best of me at night
but 1:44 on a Monday
make 24 years seem like
a warm afternoon

I don't know why I obsessed over you
sometimes
the best times really

maybe it's because the nights are never depressing around you
but is it worth my afternoons?

We can only do what we want
on days like this

The dog of Texas

I hope the desert will cure me
it's sage brush
wishing me well with wise words

The road will extend into pure white bliss
and on them
we travel into the place the sun rises

I haven't been where i'll be going for six years
six long years I never thought i'd see
go by
not unlike the six long months
I left in the lone star state

Flat lands and blue skies
that's what I remember
boredom
that's what I remember

Not this time
I go as part of a group this time
when I was 18
I was truly alone
in a way few people ever get to experience at that age

And sometimes being alone has it's advantages
May Austin be an old bloodhound
which is why i'll choose
to let a sleeping dog lie.

Not sad, just dissapointed so far

Spectacular 60watt bulb
and i'm trying to avoid you now
trying like the fish in the river
stick close to rocks
and depths
in between reeds

They know where it's safe

My life is full of needs
of desires
it hurts
or it can

Walking in the moonlight
passive glance at empty
meander

Just thinking of her
is enough sometimes
and isn't it incredible how
powerful our need for that connection is

and just how mismatched the wind and dirt
can sometimes be
I feel like the dirt
trampled and set in
moved only on the surface
pitted and pockmarked

and she is the wind
brushing my thoughts
as we elude each other
for different reasons
unrevealed

Too long with nothing to show
Am I so unlucky?

Missed Connections

Dear girl who comes into my cafe
wearing small square rimmed glasses
and has a short smart
hair cut

You're very tall
I don't usually like that

You sound very smart
like you choose your words carefully

Like you have a higher degree
or just a better one than me
and most of the people who come in
and buy latte's from me

You tend to be serious
I can't remember if I crack jokes
with you
you're too smart to laugh

I think I saw you smile once
and when you tell me thank you
and I say your welcome
and to have a nice evening
or good night
or sometimes the more confused
have a good da-night (because I've been
saying good day on automatic but the sun is down now and I don't want to get it wrong or sound like a total idiot even though i feel like one in the messy outfit I wear and wash only occasionally but in the end still sound like an idiot)
I really mean it with you

I imagine that you really are grateful
that I made your drink
But I think we both know
that isn't the case.

I just wanted to say, i'm not though
an idiot that is
and of all the people
who come in
I think I like you the most.

Playground politics

Why is it
that everyone
is well versed on every subject?

"Killer Whales are hyper intelligent
pack animals

That's why they killed the trainer"

says an anonymous commenter
who I can only assume
enjoyed high school Biology more than Chemistry

I wonder if the now deceased
diver
knew their instinctual habits
and if she could have prevented her own death
with this information.

Everything is over reported
and everything is blown out of proportion

We are all just products
of too much positive reinforcement
from our parents who had too much
of the negative

See saw, see saw
Playground politics

A cycle like the seasons

A name become paralysis
both chokehold
and savior

Too far gone

This is it, you know
The sad ending to another pointless feeling

The sudden sunset to a tumultuous day
spurred by the fumbling idiocy
of my own mouth
and warped mind

There are a lot of good reasons to pay no attention to me
but the best one is if
I pay too much attention to you.

Never be too kind to an awkward person
I'll just end up confusing it
and abusing you.

It's only February

Tonight I took a step out
the front door
to a world
shrouded in fog

The air was a dream
and nearly silent
nearly
because the freeway is never silent

Up the near street to a tiny park
the moisture turning
3 foot light posts
into bright monoliths of hope

I could not see the sky
but it was there
and that's like so many things
these days

But not being able to see down a street
is secondary to knowing it already
and I'm already familiar
with the path
i'm on now

Fog used to be so depressing
now it's
just an accent
to
a
beautiful cold night

When I sit alone
I find that I only comprehend the possibilities
through a cloudy mire
of uncertainty

And under a gazebo
well lit and dry
above my neighborhood
just out of sight
from my house

I think again of all the things
I cannot see
but am still confident
they are there

This Valentine's day post will not be depressing

This Valentine's Day poem will not be depressing
because I'm just not right now
Because I have hope
if not in a girl
in something else
I'll pop in the same films
I watch every Valentine's Day
Remember we talked about them that one night?
I said I loved that part where
it's snowing and he smiles
you said you loved the part where he's crying
I guess that's what I find so fascinating about you
Even sitting on a couch half asleep
you contradict me
with a smile

Tomorrow I'll watch that film and now
when I'm watching him smile
and cry
I'll only think of us talking about it
and not what it's supposed to make me feel.
Remember you said you couldn't watch films like that anymore
because you didn't like having your emotions manipulated?
I bet you had your heart broken
I don't know your past
but I bet there was a time you felt differently.

I wanted to argue that point
but you were right.
I'd much rather feel something while watching a film
because something happened to me
and not because I'm a puppet.

We aren't puppets and that's what makes love and real life so exciting
we aren't puppets and that's why-

That's why
Even though I'm going to be alone
I won't be lonely
this Valentine's Day.

Two blankets

The night before it's going to rain
is unique
it's beautiful, wind wisp brown hair
gorgeous dark, clear
tumultuous and un predictable

but always unique
I live my life on the margin of day before rain
and the storm

The storm is great but it's all over so fast
the day before a storm is the infatuation
the build up
the sizing up
just watching you lying there, shuttering eyes
content
with our without me it turns out

But that's the rainstorm
I think about the day before
not the calm before the storm
because I was not surprised

The day before a storm wraps herself up
and is not cold
and if you really love the day before a storm
like i do
you wait with it until time runs out
You'll endure because
you can't be outside when it's raining

Oh my feet were so cold
but inside I was burning up

Time is our most uncaring enemy

The skeeziest guys don't sleep half as bad as I do

Our breaths pushed themselves into the air
pushed themselves to condensation
white vapors like a field of hot springs
on dry last days in January
dry for many reasons
not the least of which was
my own insecurity
cracked and scarred as it is
thirsty
I was feeling full though
from your breath
I felt full
The drums hobbling along
feet tap
tall kids waltz
with short fairy sprites
I stood alone
because as nourishing as you felt to me
I was not the one quenching you
I know him
I knew this
this is no surprise to me
you do love him
whether or not it admitting it was brought about
by whiskey and drugs
you love him
and I knew this
still I let myself drag on
rope tied around my neck dragging me through dark empty streets
of old ethnic neighborhoods
that our grandparents probably knew in much harder times
I let you fall asleep
I let you talk to me
my eyes deceived me
they told me what I was looking at was beauty
just as my mind played the image over and over
like a loop on tape
but this is the digital age
completely objective and cold
cold like my feet and yours
cold like my back when I was facing the fire
and cold like my front as I left your front steps
It was five in the morning and the sun was not up
while I coaxed extra miles from my thirsty green truck
And I coaxed out remembrance from you days later
memories i recalled not because I wasn't drunk
but because you were in them.
I drank from you again
but the well ran dry
You do love him
and I knew this.
So now tonight, I think i'll dehydrate myself on cheap alcohol
but I wont forget
I can't drink to forget
because drinking wont separate your image from old memory
it'll just damage the new ones.

A perfect day for Salinger

To pay respects to J.D. Salinger, one of my favorite authors and the author of my favorite book, Franny and Zooey, I am re-posting a poem I wrote after reading one of his most famous short stories.



For myself, with love and squalor

There are no silent brooks
but some trees fall unnoticed

some rocks go unturned
And the heart and mouth
do not always connect

Like cupping two palms
to draw water for drink
The heart has so much to say
it runs over the edges
So when raising it up
to quench the thirst
The mouth sadly finds
most of the substance had slipped through the cracks

So little makes it through the lips
that only a stunted version
of what was meant to be said
is ever really verbalized

So with a dehydrated mouth
and a heart about to burst
I slosh about
hoping to strike the rock
and have water spring forth
Or waiting for an angel
with a divining rod

There's an ocean of life under this course surface
and I've yet for another one to want it

And my vision is illegible and my concentration fades
two and three times for a sentence
and one or less times is my s-e-n-t-e-n-c-e

Love is...

Love is like that one movie
I've been meaning to see
and everyone tells me is really good
but I just can never get around to it

It's playing everywhere
it's in the Netflix Queue
I even saw 20 minutes of it
on TNT once

But I always miss the most important part

You've seen it
They've seen it
But I haven't

Love is Avatar in 3D

I wonder how much longer it'll be in theaters

Who can say

Clicks stop, clicks stop rubber asphalt and rubber soles
blades of grass, popping acorns and dried up leaves
angry ember, seething hate in paper packed tobacco
Orange dirty light from street lamp poles

Alcohol wipes sunburnt lips, dry cracked
licked wet
prickly stubble, cactus face, velcro snap
CHA CHA lounge delays
empty buddy list empty mind
undertones of emptiness
permeate the air like sour department store cologne
sour voices, sour responses
her voice is sweet like sour gummy worms

Smooth skin like silken sheets, dark linen
Laugh like water from minutest spring
in the suncaked dryest desert
so soft, so coveted
so soft and cold
a delicacy for starving fingertips and the heart alike

silent clicks, nearly silent, surpressed language from a board
a marriage of mind and voice
voices voices voices
voices in the darkness, pops drips bleeps
bubbled conversation

the early morning looks just like night
Who can say if she'll be there
Who can say?

Everybody's talking bout Joe Frazier

Maybe it's because you're exactly
what everyone needs
and everybody has figured it out
too

Maybe it's because you'll sit alone
pleasantly warm
like two minutes old
pancakes
and don't desire more than that

Maybe it's because the sun could rise and fall
and all the air around you jump to life
like electrons before lightning
and you would continue
unaffected

You're so
unaffected

Like the ash in an ash tray
burnt out
smoldered
heaping gray dust

Like the sound of traffic never ceasing
and birds ever optimistic
sprinklers regular

Sack up and grow a pair
you said

Harsh

I woulda kissed that girl I swear
but I had other things on my mind maybe
and my heart wasn't in that fight

You're like a boxing coach
and I'm not much of a boxer
But I'm still glad
to have you in my corner of the ring
even if sometimes
it's you
I'm trying to square off with

Steven the confident

Always out of place
Out of style
Nobody's friend
The future like fake nights
in 1960's movies
Bleak, blue,
shaded.
Filtered.
The teary itch crinkles eye lids
Not laugh lines
But stress fractures in dam walls
Of flesh
Pressed by loneliness.
Smile please, breathe please
Love please
The warm fuzzys just burn
these days
If a tear should cascade from a crack
Wipe it away
Forever.
Look at me please
See what I've hidden from the mirror
And call it good
Call it
good.

Steven the pest

Annoying little pest!
shoo!
Annoying little boy

There will be no quarter
for such badgering

The boy pleads clemency
he didn't mean it
honest

She looks on warmly
okay.

But a bother he remained
So she finally shut him out

and the little boy
with nobody to bother
sits alone on the sidewalk
wishing he'd
never done anything at all.

Better to let a feeling go
than normalcy

For obsessive games
become fodder
for embarrassment
in very short time

And make for
red faced little boys
who deserve no sympathy

and garner no award

Malls as an analogy of greater societal oppression

To all the families wasting away
in a food court
Leave, I say
Wake up and see the mall for what it is
not a destination
but an orgy
of blind expenditure
and impulsive pleasures
Parents take up your children
whisk them away
from all the gilded
brass treasures

See the outside world
See a library,
read a book
take a picture
Use your holiday to become closer to one another
and not credit card debt

Don't you see?
the mall is a lie
The mall will always let you down
because it is not a resort
but a prison

So flee the prison
before escape
is as ignored
as a PA announcement

We live in a society
where people are content to
sleep
they have no aims
they have no knowledge of fulfillment
left a lone-edness
is the most common desire

By and large we groan and roll over
and eat the slop put before us
like the swine and bovine
in the south valley
And like the valley, the stench is nauseating to
anyone passing through
but to those who live in it
of it
around it
they can't even remember what it smelled like

The mall is a trough
and entire families will feed from it
for entire days
chewing the cud
and staring blankly into blandly decorated
space

I will be waiting behind my counter regardless
wasting hours
being pressured to sell you things you will never need
and sign up for cards you will never use
the money may trickle in
at a minimum wage clip
but I swear to you
the moment the cage door is left open
my exit
will be
swift