The flaws of my fathers

A curse
which follows through
the generations
flowing as flash flood
through cracked desert

Flowing through veins
pushing the outer walls
coursing unrelenting
from life to life

A flaw
of character
passed down from
one fumbled moment
one vicious statement
a dark mood
unrelenting

The flaws of our fathers
the pan-generational sin
of pride
and vanity

Of fear and cowardice
of betrayal of trust
and weakness
in tough moments

My great grandfather
my grandfather
my dad

All were greatly flawed
gargantuans
larger than life
but in seclusion
small and petty

Unable to let go of themselves
to make the right choice
to say the right thing
to bite their tounges
or save their families

It is not lost on me
that I
am next in line

Already exhibiting
these
the worst of character deficiencies
already having the symptoms
of a now long running
rush of destruction
building up in me
like magma in the chamber of a volcanoe
burning and rumbling
cracking the surface
spewing and oozing from the thinnest
parts of my skin

I now understand what Christ meant
when he asked His Father
to let this cup pass from him
and for Him to be up on that cross
asking the most High
why He had been forsaken

His Father was perfect
mine is not
His affliction was righteous
mine is wrought with
petty insufficiency
in the worst ways
to the people who need me
most

But I have a choice
to change
for there is one thing I am capable of
that no man yet
in my family
has ever been capable of

Humility

Something Christ had in spades