Buoyant

Your kind words
kiss my lips
like bleach laced
darts

They try to life me up
but grasp only lapels
and cuffs
removing my shirt
and leaving me bare

An ugly
unpolished
misshapen
very nearly unholy
ugly

too real for me to see
when i look in the mirror

18 was the last year
my confidence rose
through photograph

7 years
since i could say
I liked myself.

I feel alone
because nobody can relate to me
weakened by my distance
from ideal

If 18 were an oasis
i've walked through the desert
and am in a salt sea

desperate and hopeless

You hurt me when you try to help me
You love me but I despise me
I have let myself
and you down.

Weighted down by
disgusting bloat and waste

I deserve to drown
dragged through the abyss
by my excess mass

Instead I am made bouyant

Sitting on the surface incapable of overcoming
its tension.

not able to end
what little life
I feel i have.