Paradise lost/regained

Something pushing behind my eyes
a pressure
getting worse
To be something
or
do something

Just something

To have more go right
than wrong

to be that unlikely story
to be the blind fish
who live in dark caves

Who gave up their eyesight
for immortality

and what would i give?

What scares me the most:
I don't know

That darkness
is so looming
and dense
like an oil slick

It chokes me
stops my words

I'm afraid i'm not good enough.

They say those fish in caves,
evolved separately
over millions of years
losing their color
their eyes
any semblance of their old life.

They took something common
and made it spectacular.

And which brave fish
all those eons ago
jumped from the clear mountain stream
into hell

And if i had to rule in hell
would I too
lose heaven?

Who knows
They always admire the brave ones
the stubborn ones

The fish who gave up everything
for a little freedom.

Breathing and smiling

You burrow
deep into my side, rubbing and adjusting
like a mutt
found a warm sun spot

It feels good
in a way nothing else could
it makes me feel high
like alcohol
or cigarettes never could

I bend a bit
sniff the top of your head
because you love that
I do too

We cant get any closer
but we have to try
we wont be happy until we
are within each other
permanently

You are so happy,
that all you can do is breathe
and smile
because im talking to you

its too simple
this is too easy

Why was it so hard before?
And at night
we curl around each other and sleep

together,
breathing and smiling.

Pre Cambrian

There is an emptiness 6 years long
when I wallowed in the mire
when you lit a fire
1000 times over
One thousands time
your beautiful smile
over a thousand times
the colorful dresses
and tan skin
curly hair
short
straight
curly
I feel like i didnt exist
in those 6 years
and there is very little evidence
that i have existed since i was 14
and the 11 year break
from visibility
was exhausting.
And now im trying to hold on
trying to grab the hem of your garment,
save me
to bring me back to life.

The fog last night
was a soothing dream
muffling any human sounds
it was just me
and the chirping of crickets

we all sang the same song.