The night and day never really meet

"Well I feel fairly inadequate right now," I said as I stargazed the black sky above me, watching my words condense for a second into a cloud.

"It's fine, I'm sure someone else has a light," said the beanied blond as she walked over to another random alley patron.

She asked me for a lighter but I am not a smoker. Not a real one anyway. Just an occasional one. I wish I had been talking about a lighter and not, as was the case, a general statement about myself. I hated to see her go but this night was not about girls.


I spent the better part of the ride home debating with myself whether I was too drunk to drive. My conclusion as I pulled off the freeway on my exit was that I had kept it in the lane well enough. I was in familiar territory now. Quiet suburban neighborhoods with empty well lit roads. I rolled the window down as I always do on surface streets and let the air sooth me. The sounds and smells all the things I know so well. Left turn then another left and a final right, I pulled into my driveway.

Staring at my front door I had a thought. A thought that maybe my night didn't have to end yet. So I went for a walk. The night felt wild for some reason. The stars and moon dazzled brighter than I'd ever known them to. I nearly tripped because I could not stop myself from looking up instead of ahead. A few coyotes ran across my path skittishly, afraid of what I might do. It startled me a bit and for a second I could see myself being ripped apart by a pack of wild dogs. I shuttered to think how that would feel so I tried my best to ignore them increased my pace.

Then I stopped. A rush of reality, of regret ran over me suddenly. The feeling was so intense my vision hued orange with the rush. I had to steady myself, feeling so sad and wrong and disgusting, knowing what I'd done and how I wanted to go back but could not. My phone vibrated in my pocket and the last thing I remember was murmuring to myself "why" as if through repetition I'd find my relief.

I awoke the next morning very early awkwardly clinging to a swing set at a public park. A ringing sound pulled me from my sleep. My eyes hurt from dry contacts and it took a minute to set them right and focus.

The sun was not quite over the horizon so I figured it must be near 6 o'clock or earlier. All I could hear were the slow chug of industrial sprinklers, making a metallic ring as they hit a street sign post. My alarm clock.

There were no cars in the parking lot and no other people around save for a few chipper autos putting along to work. I stood up slowly and immediately felt sick. My mouth tasted like cigarettes and hand smelled worse. I was not usually prone to hangover, but I did not usually call a playground my bed.

Plodding my first unsure few steps I regained some composure and made my way back home. Walking toward me on the sidewalk, a couple walked their dog in jogging outfits. I smiled as we passed and they just stared. The night and day never really meet, they just stare at each other as they pass.

Feeling my pockets to make sure I hadn't left anything in the wood chips, I took out my phone.

3 new messages
2 missed calls

The sun hit my face in that bright intensity that only a sunrise can bring. I immediately began to sweat as the cool morning air retreated to the shadows. Still having a few more blocks to go I removed my jacket.

"Hey Evan, I think we should talk this through"

"Why do you feel so trapped with me? What is wrong?"

"You must be at the bar, call me tomorrow, g'night"

I felt bad for not answering. But then again, I was drinking for a reason last night. And there's no sense in allowing feelings to ruin a good drunk.

Fully clothed I fell into bed and nearly into deep sleep, but I had a voice mail and I wanted to hear it before I shut the blinds and slept away the day.

"Ok Evan, I know you're at the bar. But I just wanted to say you made me sad today. I know you did it thinking you were doing the right thing and that you didn't want to lead me on but it still hurt a lot. You've got some issues Evan. I don't want to sound like the woman scorned here and maybe it's just that I wasn't your type or something. But hear me out. I think you didn't really want to break things off. I don't know why but you seemed hesitant. I thought you liked me Evan, you said you did. I know you didn't want to hurt me but you did. But I think you hurt yourself too. That's why you're out tonight, isn't it? Maybe I wont date for a while but I should have done that anyway after my last relationship, these things wear on you. Anyway, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'll be off work so call me tomorrow if you want to talk, but I don't think you will. So... goodbye Evan, I hope you figure out your demons before you meet the girl you really want."

I ended the call and turned over staring at the ceiling.

"Well that was fun." I said sarcastically to myself.

I hated being the bad guy and breaking things off, but do they always have to analyze me? I think I'm easy enough to figure out.

I turned my pillow over to the cold side expecting to conk out as soon as it was beneath me. An hour and four drinks of water later I fell asleep.