Motionless in the shower,
It might look like I'm enjoying the water
but really I'm just losing a battle
being held down
by a mind that hates me
Just standing in line to buy an album
I greet myself in the glass door entrance
with immediate disgust
followed by terrible insecurity
I wanted to run out of that record store
into the 52 degree night
past all the classic cars and oldies music
and just disappear into the empty streets
My mind chasing me all the way
causing me to scrutinize to hair and thread
all the reasons why I am a remainder
why I am largely by myself on a Saturday night
Depriving me of the beauty in couples on a bench
instead I despised the sight of it
to the point I had to look away
and stare at a singular shadow in orange streetlight glow
Dragging me through the mire of self loathing
When I'm trying find a companion and can barely stand myself
But that's just my mind
holding me down with one hand
and beating the life outta me with the other
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3 comments:
this is so sad steve. i hate to know you feel like that. I hate myself sometimes too, only for different reasons. I'm not so sure being a 'couple' will be as much of a fulfillment as you think. But who am I to say... After being with a couple of girls, and feeling quite deeply for them, whether I should have or not, I have found its even more fulfilling to be content with yourself. I sincerely wish you could find that in yourself. You dont know this, but, in all honesty, if I could be more like any of my friends it would be you. no question. I know you doubt yourself, but I know you and I do not doubt you. In fact I envy you. The best things come to those who wait.
you deserve the best and you WILL have it. i know.
by the way you can delete my comments after reading them. i wont be offended
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