Humanity on a warm night

We are like tracers in the night sky
Parabolas painting the air in frantic escape
Painfully draining our lives, grasping for substance
Searching for what? They know not
A soul aflame
Burning for a concept
We heard about only in passing
Like a conversation across the room
The details are muddled
Still, we move toward it
drawn like fireflies to one another
The glow is on everyone else
and us too
If only we could feel our own light
How spectacular if we sufficed our own desire
Quenching the unbearable heat with a spring from within
Wanting not ends having not
And we become set pieces like the stars
Rather than the erratic flights of fireflies
Running from their own illumination
To find enlightenment in a dead bulb

Don't even try

You know its in our most clear moments
We hear the worst news
That's why I'm reluctant to solve the puzzle
even when there is only one piece missing
from a corner

It was so obvious
And I shouldn't care

And maybe I don't that much
I've been devastated before
This isn't even close

It's only a symptom of a much larger cold
one thats been festering and weakening me for so long
that I've been living for years with stuffed nose
and can't remember what a clear head feels like

But the symptoms add up
a Saturday night alone
No money
No job
and a continuous urge to change

If somebody offered me a new life in another state
this would be my farewell letter to everyone

Sure I've heard that you must make your own fortunes
But I don't have the imagination for that

I've been learning songs to sing for somebody
for years
Now all I've got is a guitar with rusty strings
and something to practice when nobody is on AIM

I guess it's you

The first fall months have seen an explosion
a Pre-Cambrian growth of inspiration
and outlet
Some days I just sit, but I'm always thinking
setting up scenes for a film
where the actors are us
and our lives play out in storyboard

The strangest part has been my own reluctance
to see the muse of creation
Sometimes I don't know what was just made
Maybe it's my own cloudiness on the subject
A subconscious fog made of ignorance mixed with unbelief
Now a beam of clarity pokes through
And I see who it was all along

I guess it's you
And I don't know how to feel about it

Hard to impress

The cool dark night after a hot autumn day
a dichotomy of dual natures
Even with my glasses on its harder to see the stars than last year
so I'll just let the burning pinpoints blend into a mess of feeling

I'm falling in love again
she's been there the whole time it seems
In the heights and depths
I'm blown away by her subtlety

Rumbling the ground and opening my eyes
She lives in a cathedral and my mind
I can know her in the most private times
and she flavors my dreams

Sometimes I should just let my guard down
but I'm afraid she's so hard to impress
a worry for another time

For now I'm happy, a savior for a second
Just in Time like Nina Simone
And all I can think to do is smile

This is it

This is it,
no more fumbling
Its coming fast like a train
Inevitable and unstoppable

Blasting its horn, blaring
beating, chugging down the tracks
Will I see the red light?
Or just open my arms and wait for oblivion
Destruction, Eternity

Will I even try to stop?

Its one of those hot dry days outside
And my eyes are burning a hole through her
Can you see kindness?
I'm searching but I can never seem to find it
At least not before its too late
before its just a swaying saint
ascending to heaven with a halo 'round its neck

Talking to you is like singing in the dark
One sided and pathetically useless

But it's such enticing therapy

At war with mind

Motionless in the shower,
It might look like I'm enjoying the water
but really I'm just losing a battle
being held down
by a mind that hates me

Just standing in line to buy an album
I greet myself in the glass door entrance
with immediate disgust
followed by terrible insecurity

I wanted to run out of that record store
into the 52 degree night
past all the classic cars and oldies music
and just disappear into the empty streets

My mind chasing me all the way
causing me to scrutinize to hair and thread
all the reasons why I am a remainder
why I am largely by myself on a Saturday night

Depriving me of the beauty in couples on a bench
instead I despised the sight of it
to the point I had to look away
and stare at a singular shadow in orange streetlight glow

Dragging me through the mire of self loathing
When I'm trying find a companion and can barely stand myself
But that's just my mind
holding me down with one hand
and beating the life outta me with the other

my tunnel vision

Wandering alone, a satellite on a concrete path
sometimes I can feel people looking at me
though I try to act like I don't know
going so far as to stare at a point on the wall
like as if I was lost in thought, daydreaming
when I've really never been more lucid

Crossing gazes with another human being is a crazy thing
It almost hurts to be that near to their soul
for that moment when you know they see you seeing them see you
Even in deep conversation its like staring at the sun
and in the same way I wish I didn't have to look away

For a mere spec on the ticker tape of time
We were transcending reality

All my life without love

I wish for a moment that I could be understood
just a fleeting second that my yells were not whimpers
Is it too much to ask that one lone meteor
could attract a heavenly body

A disgusting grey precipitous day
is just a waste of a perfect afternoon
when there's nobody to get soaked with
I'll catch a cold to keep me company

A needle dragged on a life giving artery
sucking in and blowing out the nicotine of my heart
just another way to feel the warmth
of pure unfiltered love

To get stumped on what to do for fun
the final jeopardy, a chance to take the lead
Stutter, faulter, struggle
and I wagered too much already

A headstone in a cold brown field
saturated with water and muddied from time
will somebody clear away the dirt to reveal
"All My Life Without Love"?

Here lies the only man to never connect
a sad sad story lacking intellect
he tried and failed, but never tried enough
since relating to others seemed so tough
He thought maybe once, but never twice
instead wanting answers, not taking advice
A plea in his heart directed above
Will I live all my life and never know love?

Sometimes getting walked to first feels like striking out

I told myself I shouldn't care
That this girl with dark brown hair
would think perhaps that I was fair
Or that maybe I would find my pair

She was kind enough to give me chance
To state my case through verbal dance

She gave me something I have not known
Company was hers to loan

But in the end we missed the link
the night was over as one eye blinks
We shared 2 hours and sober drinks
Yet reflecting now I do not think

That we made the connection I sorely lack
And felt even farther from when I drove back