Okay ok OK

New week
I am smiling

The air was cool
and slightly humid

My truck wouldnt turn over
I needed three jumpstarts

It might not start again
I may need a new battery

But that's okay
Sometimes, things are okay

I had a lot of fun
with some good friends

That's something that's okay too
It's better to enjoy something

than grumble and worry
about never having it again

We sat on the brick steps outside my house
well, you sat

and I laid on the concrete driveway staring up at the stars
supporting my head
with my arms

I looked at one star and spoke my mind
I don't know if you listened
we are friends
maybe it doesn't matter

I felt relaxed and okay
I hope this carries into another day
when I don't have the light of another solar system
to calm me

And while the drives never got shorter
they do seem more productive

A city

You are no closer to me,
But I appreciate you more each day

Kind of a drag

The faceless one
in a sea of faces
not a riddle
but the commentary
on a year and a half
in the life

Can I call it that?

I am two short words in a list
without title adorned

Has everything I thought I accomplished
really just been appeasement?

Rather than ask myself
what i'm capable of
i'd rather have another cigarette

At least in those 3 minutes
a drag
feels good

Dog barking, phone ringing, weightless afternoon

The ocean is too big
overwhelming
rolling membrane
breaking and reforming
No one to see
for miles

Clear by the molecule
and blue as a whole
deep blue as depth grows
and I am there alone
attatched to nothing

Trying to rest
but I find none

Buoys, splash bye
and I hear them lapping
slowly
but infinitely elusive

and the space is ten feet or light years
it doesn't make a difference
I am without anchor

Without something solid
surrounded by liquid
softening my skin
pruning my finger tips
swelling my body
as it breaks down

The ocean forgave some
it can't bear to look
my way
Even a circling shark would be a welcome
friend in troubling seas
but it's just empty

The brine dries my skin
but moistens my eyes
as salt rejoins salt

I know some who sit on islands
who are grounded
who will take risks because they can always go home

But night and day are only separated by the horizon
and time flows in and out
as muscles atrophy
and lactic acid builds up
locking me
holding me
but not tethering me

A phone rang long
electronic malfunction

7 days 7 days 7 days

Yawn yawn
a new week
the same week

the week of waiting for a week to go by

A week of promises and broken promises
of possible interest
and definite disinterest

A week where I stare at the same names
and wait

And think to myself, where is the satisfying
pop!

Where is the bubble
of realization
and I think in the back of my head

Does she read this stuff?
and how must she feel about it?
Disgusted
Appalled
Amused?
Sympathetic
Apathetic
Confirmed
or Angry

I can't think about those things though
for risking too much self awareness on too many layers

It would hurt my head
not just my heart

Sorry for this,
But I honestly need people like you
to be my muse
even if it leaves
you bemused

So a week
again a week
7 Days to get it straight
to make a change
What will I be thinking when the next 7
approach?

Water fowl

Why am I so angry
so frustrated
all the time?

This isn't me
I'm not prone to anger

What happened to
the bright eyed wonder
I used to posess
When does knowledge I sought
become I knowledge i regret

When was the moment that
the forbidden fruit tasted bitter
was it on first bite?
Or was it after they'd reached the core?

There comes a point when water rolling off a ducks back
prevents water from reaching the fowl's mouth

I want to be happy and feel things
but blocking out the bad
seems to have taken the good with it

I want to feel
anything

Nothing with no one

The asphalt is so hot
this time of year
on my bare soles

Bare soul

borne solely on Friday afternoons
and the water feels good
and warm, like the comforting
brush of another person

Excuse me for being blunt
I know you don't like me
like that
sometimes i think you can barely stand me
I'm dull
compared to your real friends
I'm young, probably naive

Just a swimmer in a kiddie pool
while you sit with the adults in the spa

I love the water
holding my breath, listening to my own heart pump

I love sitting motionless at the bottom
eeking out every last bit of oxygen from spent lungs

I love the way the sun feels on my skin
because I was made for it
God made me for the sun

Not you, I guess
Even a beautiful day
is grotesque when i think about that

I'd rather do nothing with somebody
than something with nobody

It's too easy to die

If it's all in my head
then why is it so tangible to me

Why would a movie become
reality
if you really want it
feverishly

Why do mountains peak so suddenly
and drop off with more so aplomb

the journey to the top is riddled with difficulties
but its the effortless free-fall that
always kills you

And it's so easy to just die

There is a space that I wished to cross
looking at you mere feet away
seeing your pointed shoes
capping stocking stemmed
legs

I can't imagine a more simultaneously hopeful
and torturous situation
beyond which I have no vision
and behind which I have no cares

All I can see now
was happening right then

Coaster Album

You are the inexplicable draw
of the water pulling feet through sand
at the beach

I sink as you wash over me,
I marvel at the movement of my
toes transferred to the surface

The sun blasts me in the face
the wind seems to come from it

I stand unashamed
but only of my form

You are the bright explosions on the 5th of July
not the 4th

You are more special than that
because I saw you then
and not when everyone else did

You face down on the table
laughing
Is the absolute best thing
I take it in,
what I inadvertently triggered

And still this morning it's all I could think about
nothing happened

and it's all I can think about