the loneliest place is with friends (reprised) or the car ride from hell

So staring at lights as they bounce off the roads,
from the newly wet streets in foreign zip codes,
i think to myself as if to converse,
with a friend who might understand our curse,
there is in my life an unreachable goal,
a cliff too steep or infinite hole,
my reverence and admiration are sincere in intent,
but doubt and cynicism conspire against me in contempt,
i saw a smile so warming it melted my fears,
but the heat soon lifted and cold sorrow interferes,
its like looking at the world without a lens,
i cant see clarity or beauty, in turn i pretend,
so sitting in this car as we travel through the rain,
the only thing to comfort me is the reminder of pain,
as the sun tries piercing the clouds to tell time,
im reminded of my loss and ends her rhyme,
i miss the way you used to laugh,
for me and only me,
never to change or so i thought,
before i was lonely,
now never is forever and forever today,
whenever i see you i keep feelings at bay,
i belie the way my heart has so sunk,
now comes the urge to lock myself in the trunk.


On a lighter note im actually not as depressed as these poems suggest. I just use past and present expieriences and feelings to inspire the words that i could never say to anyone through speech. Whether or not that means i actually write anything worth reading is really not what i am after. I just wanted an outlet.

the city must be the glitz and glamour i want it to be...

Color and reflection blend with one another, creating a sight that reminds me of lovers. Apart they are wonderful and complete on their own, together they meld into a perfect mold. Or so it should be or remains to be seen, as cracks over time work their way into seams, which slowly but surely and on that you can count, crack and chip away the pieces until little doubt, remains that this piece so exquisite as one, will become seperate parts once the fracture is done, and the two which were wonderful and complete all alone, now look worn out and dull without hue or tone, no longer useful or a sight to behold, all that is left is to become old. Such is the tragedy of unlucky love, like a shattered ceramic dropped from above.

the last thoughts of a defeated man

i let out a sigh and breathe deep, i must have lived a lifetime in two seconds, all my hopes and aspirations, it was the best thing that never happened to me, you were the best thing, or rather you were, i could never make it past that word, now I'm twice as slow and half as clever, and with regards to you i can see only never, you left me without even knowing it and all the cushions in the world couldn't curb my discomfort with how i let my glance stray for a second while we drifted apart, that was a year ago and I've been inhaling water ever since, all this for a glimpse and a split second memory, but drowning feels like heaven when im thinking of you.

this is meant to be what it needs to be....

The sky must be made for clouds and every day gloomy, it rains harder and harder until rock becomes mud. Sun's rays ne'er a chance, the soil is sick and so is my heart. The sounds and smells dull and muted, a soggy wet map to guide one through it. All is damp, all is cold, life has wilted, become old. Puddle after puddle, drip after drop, dust to dust. Nothing was meant to live under these conditions, no not one. Yet year in, year out, i remain, rejected, pondering, wondering, questioning, is this love? Was this how it was going to feel to hold it in? I think the sky must be made for clouds.

THAT WAS terrible.

Snow

To have grown up in Southern California is to not know weather. Today it snowed and it incited excitement i haven't had since i was 10. There is something about snow falling from the sky that makes me want to enjoy life. Its the kind of weather that i should have this time of year, not clear sunshine or sporatic rain. In this weather i can sit with my Ipod and read a book or sit by the fireplace. Homecooked meals taste better, the family gets along better, i get to wear a hoodie without being emo. For once i actually feel crazy wearing shorts in the winter. Maybe i forget about school or friends or relationships. I wish it would snow everyday.